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DIRECTORS REPORT
It is not governments that build a nation it is people. White Wreath Day on the 29 May is a special day. It increases the awareness of suicide. Thousands of Australians die each year and thousands of White Wreaths are laid Australia wide in remembrance of those who have died by these tragic circumstances.
Together we can make a difference and change the present system.
W Who are the wreaths for? They are in remembrance of all victims of suicide in years gone by. Thousands of Australians die each year by these means.
W Why are they laid? To show mental illness kills. To alert the community to the need for early intervention by health authorities in the treatment of mental health sufferers and the necessity for change to the Confidentiality Law to allow family/carers to be involved in the treatment and follow-up care of mental health patients. Changing present treatment methods could save lives.
A Action is sought to try to reduce these tragic figures we ask you to support our Association's aims by making a donation to help us build our own Centres where nobody will be denied treatment as they are today and help us deliver the message across Australia that the silent formula by Federal/State Governments and the media of suicide deaths does not make this problem disappear.
Remember, suicide affects all walks of life, all ages and all cultures regardless of whether we are rich, famous or poor.
SUICIDE RANKS IN THE TOP 10 DEATHS IN AUSTRALIA
Regards,
Fanita Clark
PRESIDENT
THANKYOU'S
Metropolitan Funerals - Doug Austin, Newhaven Funerals - Phil Connolly, Index Business Park Self Storage Units - John Diegan, Mainfreight - David Kingdon,
Zupps - Roger Farrell Brisbane, Rockhampton City Council, Grand Plaza Shopping Centre - Browns Plains Qld - Melinda Hopf, Browns Plains Hotel Qld, The Warehouse - Logan Central, Price Choppers - Logan Central Shopping, Vietnam Veterans Motor Cycle Club Qld Chapter for all their support in particular "Breaker", "Rocky" & "Wayne", Patrons of Fihelly's Arms Hotel - Ann Street Brisbane, Kevin Knipe for donating stamps, Centro Properties Group - Logan Central, Vietnam Veterans Qld Association, Rockhampton Mayor, Cr Strelow, Salvation Army, Dr Michael John Clinical Psychologist, Superintendent Darryl
Cameron Rockhampton Police District, CQU Students Association Rockhampton, Pastor John Buchholz Baptist Church Rockhampton,
SPECIAL THANK YOU'S
Index Park Self Storage Units - John Diegan that allows us free of charge to store all White Wreath Association items.
Zupps - Roger Farrell for kindly donating a vehicle enabling us to travel to the many places that we hold Services all over Australia.
Mainfreight - David Kingdon for kindly transporting the thousands of White Wreaths all over Australia.
*We are most grateful and appreciate your kind support*
DIARY DATES
White Wreath Day
29 May 2003
BRISBANE :- King George Square. Display between 9am-4pm with official proceedings commencing 12.30pm Honorary Guest Leisel Jones Australian Champion Swimmer Head Office 07 3219 7279 white.wreath@bigpond.com
MELBOURNE:- Queens Hall Parliament House. Display between 10am-4pm with official proceedings commencing 1pm during parliamentary lunch break. Contact Heather or Jan on 03 9470 6042 wwmelbourne@yahoo.com.au
SYDNEY:- Martin Place 12.30 pm Contact Leesa Thomas lou.thomas@bigpond.com or leeesat@maitland.nsw.gov.au 02 4991 3354
GRIFFITH NSW:- 10am Contact Val Rowe 02 69623948 or 0428 642 352 woofs@ozmail.com.au
PERTH :- Anglican Cathedral, 38 St Georges Terrace Contact Carol on 08 94776517 or Rebecca Fraser Rebecca_fraser2003@yahoo.com.au or Loanne Smith imagine@firedream.net
SA :- Vansittart Park Mt Gambier 1pm Contact Deb and Trev Mason on 08 87382050, debbmason@bigpond.com
By Peter Neame WWA Research Officer
Just Released Report: Suicide and Risk Taking Deaths of Children & Young People by the NSW Commission for children and young people. Excellent report confirms White Wreath position that up to 60% of deaths are preventable with appropriate early intervention.
The following article was front page of WESTPORT NEWS on 14/02/03
Assessing dangerousness is an art and a science overlooked in the development of services over the last 30 years.
According to Neame the approach of Family Services/Social Welfare, Criminal Justice and Mental Health is to treat everyone as if they can be "Restored and Rehabilitated" and along with the dogma that discharge planning begins the moment an individual comes in contact with a service simply means that very dangerous individuals are overlooked and the many warning signs they give are systematically downplayed minimised or completely overlooked.
The views expressed in this article are not necessarily the views of the White Wreath Association.
Did you know?
· Over 90 percent of suicide victims have a significant psychiatric illness at the time of their death. These are often undiagnosed, untreated, or both. Mood disorders and substance abuse are the two most common.
· When both mood disorders and substance abuse are present, the risk for suicide is much greater, particularly for adolescents and young adults.
· Research has shown that when open aggression, anxiety or agitation is present in individuals who are depressed, the risk for suicide increases significantly.
The cause of an individual suicide is invariably more complicated than a recent painful event such as the break-up of a relationship or the loss of a job. An individual suicide cannot be adequately explained as the understandable response to an individual's stressful occupation, or an individual's membership in a group encountering discrimination. Social conditions alone do not explain a suicide. People, who appear to become suicidal in response to such events, or in response to a physical illness, generally have significant underlying mental problems, though they may be well hidden.
The media can play a powerful role in educating the public about suicide prevention. Stories about suicide can inform readers and viewers about the likely causes of suicide, its warning signs, trends in suicide rates, and recent treatment advances. They can also highlight opportunities to prevent suicide. Media stories about individual deaths by suicide may be newsworthy and need to be covered, but they also have the potential to do harm. Implementation of recommendations for media coverage of suicide has been shown to decrease suicide rates.
· Certain ways of describing suicide in the news contribute to what behavioural scientists call "suicide contagion" or "copycat" suicides
· Research suggests that inadvertently romanticising suicide or idealising those who take their own lives by portraying suicide as a heroic or romantic act may encourage others to identify with the victim
· Exposure to suicide method through media reports can encourage vulnerable individuals to imitate it. Clinicians believe the danger is even greater if there is a detailed description of the method. Research indicates that detailed descriptions or pictures of the location or site of a suicide encourage imitation.
· Presenting suicide as the inexplicable act of an otherwise healthy or high-achieving person may encourage identification with the victim.
· Reference: - http://www.asc.upenn.edu/test/suicide/web/3.html
STORIES TO CONSIDER COVERING
· Trends in suicide rates
· Recent treatment advances
· Individual stories of how treatment was life-saving
· Stories of people who overcame despair without attempting suicide
· Myths about suicide
· Warning signs of suicide
· Actions that individuals can take to prevent suicide by others
EMAILS, LETTERS AND PHONE CALLS
*I just want to say thankyou for this web site that so many have put so much time, love and thought into.
My best friend has injured herself twice recently, the last time being tonight and has been admitted again to psychiatric care.
She is very depressed and I know she has a great deal of pain that goes back into her childhood. I pray she received good care and I know many of us are there to love and support her. She has 4 children the youngest is 15 now and she attempted suicide a number of times when she was born. I feel so helpless other than to be there as I was then and once again hope she realises how much she is loved.
Thanks again. If you can give me any thoughts on how to help her please contact me.
.
*Many thanks for your kindness in writing. I know that because I read all the info from the website last night it gave me the courage to openly talk with my friend this morning. She was able to tell me that the tablets she was prescribed to help her sleep were not working and she had taken too many to try to sleep. I have a really good friend who is nursing at that psych unit and she told her and my friend also had a lovely lady psychiatrist who listened and they managed to calm her today and she has begun to get some sleep.
My friend and I are very close having known one another since high school. While I have a reasonable understanding of much mental health issues, as I am a community worker in the area, it is very different when it is someone so close. We had lots of cuddles and I massaged her hair and she knows I am here for her as she always is for me.......but of course it is impossible not to be anxious as you all realise at White Wreath.
Thanks for the thought re: someone going with her for her psych appts. Her eldest daughter has been wonderful and I know my friend is arranging for her to be 'Power of Attorney' so she may be happy for her to go. It is imperative that she does continue treatment, particularly therapy because when we are able to work on the issues and put them more in perspective or in the past, then we begin to live for ourselves.
I hope to one day meet you and would dearly love to volunteer for your Assoc., but unfortunately at present I have my work and study and still some minor involvement in a voluntary capacity in my district. I would however be willing to let others in my area know more about White Wreath Association if you agree. As I belong to 2 mental health organisations in Bayside it would be wonderful networking for all.
Many thanks again. I will not forget you all. Let me know if I can be helpful in networking in this District.
God's blessing on your work and a Happy New Year filled with 'Inner Peace' to all.
..
*Hello
I am the mother of a 25yr old son who committed suicide 8 weeks ago. I have visited your website and would like to become a member of your association but I do not have a credit card. Do I send a cheque for $25 to you?
I have been visiting your chat room but as yet no one has been available for a chat. I read the personal stories and found them really helpful. I am still in deep grief and have a lot to work through yet. Sometimes I just want to hear reassuring words from other people who have been through this awful experience. I am still waking up at 4.30 some mornings with those shocking words that changed my life forever swimming around in my head,
. has hung himself. Some days I find almost unbearable and I am still going over and over events trying to make some sort of sense of this senseless act.
Would you tell me if there are particular chat times that are more popular than others or don't people tend to chat much at all.
Thank you for your time, I look forward to hearing from you
EMAILS, LETTERS AND PHONE CALLS CONTINUED
To the White Wreath Association Inc
I am sorry. but I think your joining fee is disgusting, I appreciate that all funds go to further studies of suicide prevention, but there are a lot of families out there that are affected because of this disease, who need your comfort and help who cannot afford your preposterous fee. It seems to me that you are ' cashing in ' on peoples grief, knowing in their time of grief and suffering that they will commit to anything to asage their grief. Shame on you. I will never visit this site again.
.
I hope you won't mind me contacting you, but I have just recently got in touch with Compassionate Friends, and I would like to become involved with WWA. I lost my 35yr old son 17months ago, after trying for over a year to get help for him, as I knew he was in trouble. There was no-one to turn to, even though I persuaded him to get counselling, (which he did twice) I found out after his death that he hadn't even mentioned his threats of suicide, only said he was having troubles with his relationship. I am angry that no one could help us, even friends kept saying that he wouldn't do it, that people that threaten, never do it.
Chris used to shout at me, saying I wasn't helping him, but being his Mother, all I could do was be by the phone 24hrs a day, in case he needed me.
Chris has three brothers and two sisters, all of which are also not coping, my eldest son has been diagnosed as clinically depressed, his relationship has broken up, and his partner has taken his daughter to Kalgoorlie to live, he isn't coping at all, and I am really worried about him, but he won't talk.
So the impact of Chris's suicide has been awful for the family, more so because we knew of his intentions, and in the end, couldn't save him. If there is anything I can do at all, in any way, to prevent this happening to another family, please do not hesitate in contacting me.
Guest Book Comments
Warrnambool, VIC - This site is great, I was visiting it for school work but also to find out about different programs associated with suicide.
Rydalmere - I have read Belinda's Story with special interest. Belinda stayed with us for a short period and her loss really affected us. She was a girl with potential and an attractive personality, which made assisting her a pleasure. Suicide has two victims if one includes those left behind. Efforts to address this issue deserve universal support and commitment as a high priority.
Sydney - My partner is manic depressive and has attempted suicide before. She still sometimes has thoughts of it and we talk about it when she does (thank god she does). She does not want to die or have thoughts of death, she just cant get them out of her head at times. I love her more than anything. Good work, and lets hope that the public perceptions of mental health change for the better instead of the government trying to hide so called "ugly" diseases. Keep up the good work.
QLD - On the 7th October 2002 I found my beautiful brother after he had completed suicide age 29. I have just started to look at sites like these to try and
come to some peace somehow in what my brother thought was the right choice for him and now visiting sites like these I cannot believe how many people have gone through the same. When I am stronger I would love to somehow help the fight against suicide.
USA - This looks like a great organization. I know personally the pain involved in this issue, but for now it is nice to see such a group.
USA - Hi from Russia, Very intrestin site, really, sory for my bad English.
NSW - My mother committed suicide Sept 2002. Every day has been a battle since. I feel so isolated as my father and I have been offered no support or information on support groups, counsellors etc. I'm so glad I found this website, just to know that we are not alone.
Australia - On the Friday the 17th of January, C**** Mills hung himself from the beam, thinking that this was his only option, he did not contemplate the hurt that he would leave behind and the ripple effect of hurt and devastation that would sweep over my home town. He was the one we thought was going well, he was getting his life back on track. The sad part is that I am angry at him for believing that was his only option, he didn't talk to us before he made his decision. I am angry because he didn't say good bye.
Location Unknown - Dear members, I have depression since I was 18, now I'm 33, I live in Jordan, female, single, I have other mental health problems, such as borderline personality disorder, anxiety, cyclothymia, eating disorder, I'm in AA, and that's it I guess, yes I have ocd too. I am suicidal most of the times especially nowadays due to a break up, I don't have a goal in my life which makes it more easy to die, now I'm planning for suicide, but afraid to do it, I'm a coward by nature, I was near death many times in my life due to suicidal acts, but God for some reason wants to keep me in this hell called life.
Perth - What a wonderful site. People need to read the information you display. I can only thank you for giving me an insight into the hell people must be feeling and now knowing I will try my best to be a better understanding human being towards those who suffer in this terrible way.
New Zealand - I have many times tried to kill myself and I don't know why but as I read your stories people have put in here I realised that if I ever did that I would be leaving people behind thanks for that.
Location Unknown - My son committed suicide last year on the 1st Oct 2002. He was depressed. He was only 20 years old. I miss him so much.
Statements Re:- Courier Mail Articles 11 Jan/13 Jan 2003
The White Wreath Association Inc has been advocating honesty since we were incorporated but the policy is not to publicise suicide.
We are concerned about the link with roaccutane however our main concern has always been that relatives and loved ones identify the need for help and none is forthcoming.
From the many hundreds of people who contact us most have noticed warning signs long before their family member suicides.
"Early Intervention" = rapid admission to hospital and assessment over time in hospital.
Despite all the evidence for this approach nothing has really changed.
A U.S. Air Force study showed that there was a 50% reduction with early intervention.
The current official policy of Coroners, Federal/State Governments and the Heads of Agreement with the media not to cover suicide is simply delaying an effective response that would reduce suicide.
My own personal experience proves this beyond a doubt where we as a family identified the need for help but no help was forthcoming. My story is identical to the many hundreds of stories we receive.
Regards
Fanita Clark
Director
INCREASE IN MEMBERSHIP FEES
Due to Public Liability Insurance, which has increased by 120% !!!! The membership fee of $20.00 per year should have been increased for the year 2003-2004 by $5.00 to enable the Association to cover this cost. Consequently we will be increasing our membership fee for the year 2004-2005 unavoidably.
NEWLETTER FEEDBACK
To the Editor & Staff
I would like to thank the Editor and collators for a very informative Newsletter.
It is very sad to read the heart breaking stories, but it is the only way to let people know what suicide does to families.
We must get through to the government to make them ALL aware of this dreadful disease. They must do something and sooner than later.
As a member of the White Wreath, I must say whilst selling tickets in our raffles, I have heard some horrific and disturbing stories. As is said in our newsletters, we cover all age groups, my friend and I were told of two 6yr olds deaths. This shook me, as one would think at that age, there would be no problems to upset them. The two mothers were very adamant that it had happened.
Regardless of age, the pain is there for each and every one of them and rationalism does not come into it.
Many a comment that has been made to my friend and I is, they are selfish, or we will help them. One comment was give me a book on how to do it.
Ignorance in the public is terrible, so the information in the newsletter and our pamphlets are essential.
To all of you involved in this information you produce, many thanks and well done.
Ruth Avenell
A Message to Newly Bereaved Families from White Wreath Association Inc
Sometimes it is hard to put into words what we feel at a time of great distress to family members when a much-loved member has died suddenly in tragic circumstances. The following suggestions are made for you to consider and to let you know that whatever you feel comfortable with is okay, no matter what anyone else might think or say is right or wrong.
If medical help appears to be required for family members to help them get proper rest and sleep through the difficult days ahead, by all means suggest approaching their family doctor or emergency department of the nearest hospital to ask for short-term medication assistance. It is not a sign of weakness to seek medication under these circumstances.
After family members have discussed what funeral arrangements they would prefer to have for their loved one, please remember that the White Wreath Association has a beautiful white floral arrangement that we would be willing to make available for Brisbane-based families to use on the day on a loan basis at no cost. Floral arrangements can be an expensive item and this is a little way in which we feel we may be of practical assistance on an occasion like this where you have never expected to be in a position of having to make decisions such as these without notice. If you would like to see the arrangement before deciding one way or the other, by all means feel free to come and see the wreath in your own time.
If it would not be too traumatic for close family members to view our loved one's body and it is possible to arrange with medical and/or funeral parlour representatives, (and only you can decide if this is what you would like to do) consider sitting with them for a little while to have some private moments to let them know you love them still and always will, as having this experience has brought great comfort to some of our members who were given this opportunity before the funeral. Consider placing a favourite item, such as a poem, a favourite keepsake or even a flower such as a white rose as a sign of peace. Perhaps this could be arranged early on the day of the funeral before the service starts if not possible before.
When organising your loved one's funeral, try to make it a celebration of the good things which happened during their lifetime rather than concentrating on the sadness of the day and circumstances of his or her death. Try to remember that in most cases this tragedy did not happen to hurt you, but rather to relieve the mental pain of the person who has died. Whatever age your loved one was, think of the good things that happened in the years of their lifetime which you have shared and remember how much luckier you have been to have had this person in your lives for that time. As hard as this unexpected death is to come to terms with, think how more difficult would it have been if this person had died as a child at less than ten years of age without having had the chance to experience anything of life.
Although it is of little comfort to know at this time, around twelve families a day throughout Australia are going through this same trauma, as you are experiencing at present. Many of our members did try to
keep the circumstances of their loved one's death to themselves but experience has proven that this only serves to increase the pain and undeserved shame felt by those left behind.
We suggest that you acknowledge that your loved one died by suicide. Don't let it be an added burden by feeling ashamed at the cause of death. It is by acknowledging this fact and knowing that many others have been through it before, that we believe you will in time come to accept that this death was not something you should ever feel cause
A Message to Newly Bereaved Families from White Wreath Association Inc Continued
to keep secret. Death by suicide does not mean that we have loved our son/daughter/husband or wife any less and the manner of their death will not cause us to love them any less for the remainder of our lives.
Go easy on yourself in the days and weeks ahead, you may experience anger at what has happened but even this can be part of the healing process. Hard as it is to believe at the moment, the pain will gradually lessen and the sun will shine again. Remember to tell your friends and family that even though it might make you sad to talk of your loved one's death, don't let them think they mustn't mention your loved one's name again for fear of upsetting you. This is how you will learn to accept what has happened and begin to pick up the pieces towards living life again.
White Wreath Association members would be more than willing to talk to you anytime you need a shoulder to cry on. Remember, we have been through the heartache you are experiencing at this time. Keep our telephone number handy for the day you may need us.
Tony's feelings:
7 February 2003
It was such an extreme day, that I will always remember it. The physical feeling was so intense. Christ, is this what they mean by Depression. I remember, later on I tried to put it into words, the feeling I had.
" Imagine your driving in your car and it's a typical hot summers day, the car has no a/c so it's hot. The heat is on you. Suddenly you look up and instinctively you brake, your heart is in your mouth and fear is on you. You think your going to run into the rear end of the car in front.
This is how the pain of depression felt at the time. It felt this way a lot. On that day, I was in the shower. No one was at home. The pain was terrible. I thought of something and then for the next 10 minutes, the pain got so terrible that, I dropped to the floor and I crawled to the phone, desperate for help.
I was confused. Maybe I wasn't dealing with an emotional situation that had developed, very well. But why would an emotional situation cause this pain? I didn't know the answer.
I ended up going to a support group that day for people with emotional problems. They talked about guilt and held hands and told me that the process of healing could take five years. I had nothing to be guilty about and the thought of another 5 days of this. Let alone five years was too horrible to think of.
I went home and lastly in a feeble attempt to numb the pain, I reached for the rum. I drank it straight. It burned and tasted awful. I was sick on the carpet. The vile smell never seemed to come out of the carpet. It was ruined
That's how depression felt for me back then. I felt this way a lot. It was awful. It certainly was not feeling a bit low, it was extreme, the pain was soaring. I use to throw up once a week or sometimes even twice a week. I dropped to 49.5kgs."
I now look back on that and see that I was going through something just so horrid it was unbelievable. I had my second large Kidney Stone at the time and we all know they are painful. Depression was worse. (The stone caused pain in my front, just under my stomach, so I knew, the agony in my head was not from the stone)
The physical pain was bad enough, but you know how people are, they are anti - anti depressants.
I had a pharmacist friend. He felt that I shouldn't be on medication. My other friend told me that his relative who was in her first year at Uni had said that antidepressants don't cure depression
With all this confusion and 'advice' and crippling pain, for some reason I stayed with doctors orders. I stayed with the Prozac.
By June that year this pain had dulled down and was passing. God thank goodness for Prozac. Oh yes that sinister 90's tablet, taken by the media
as some kind of silly pick me up for anxious real estate agents and the like.
.I think it was a good drug, I'd recommend it. I'm not trying to plug Eli Lilly but if I had kept feeling that way, there would have been no option.
Don't you think people who commit suicide are not in some kind of agony when they do it?
It may not be the agony I describe here, but it must be agony as well. It is difficult to get into words.
7th October 2002
Apparently I sound obsessed or whatever they want to say, I used to care and worry what everyone was saying about myself or Mathew after the day I found him HANGING from the roof of the shithole he called home for a little while. I am not sorry for the way I thought or I handled it, or didn't apparently (I don't think I have coped as well as I thought looking back now). I tried the hardest not to lose myself in my grief and bring everyone else down especially Tehgan, as she was only 3. But I did hope that people might understand if I couldn't cope with the overwhelming emotions that I could not control. I unregrettably loved my brother unconditionally, I was and still am absolutely devastated by the actions and how he went or didn't go about changing the way he couldn't cope with life (not trying to sound sorry for myself) but f
. it ripped my heart out after all that I and others did to try to help him and as you probably guess by now, I think I am angry or maybe just confused by what and how he chose. I thought after all the love and support I gave him he should have warned me what he was feeling the night of 6th October 2002 and instead of misleading not only myself and every one that he was starting a new life, job, home but that he was really starting a new ending (his own) by his own choice and gave no one the chance to help him, see it wasn't the right one. (Or maybe in our eyes) Or are we just being selfish, his children, mum, dad, siblings, grandparents, aunties, uncles and all he left behind. I am not sure to what my point is at the moment but all I know is I have promised myself and Mathew I would tell his story one day. I am not sure if today is the day. I just need to do whatever I am doing to keep sane because I feel I am losing whatever grip on this situation I had, maybe it's just grief. I want to one day tell a story of an extraordinary person a little weird, in the end but I don't care his name IS MATHEW REGINALD (REGIE) YOUNG. Sometimes by Mat's weakness not to continue this destructive cruel path he was passing on some strength that he could not find in himself to survive? I don't know, people would probably lock me up in some whatever because of the way I am talking, thinking but maybe because they are scared to express their true feelings. As Mathew was, I have no bullshit religious beliefs there is no f
en god here to save us, only we can, maybe, from ourselves and other destructive minds and down right cruelness. I don't know, I am not perfect that's for sure but I do have a strong need to help others from whatever it may be (self-destruction) but for some reason I have not wanted to believe that my own well being and mind was at harms reach from this kind of nastiness I always thought if I could (help, save others) I could stand up to anything that faced me. But obviously not, I was, am as naïve as every other f
head concerned about everyone else instead of myself and who really is important in life.
I would like to thankyou for reading my email about Mathew I just felt the other night the urge to write and express myself, I am sincerely sorry about some of the language I wouldn't normally write like that, as the letter was actually for myself and expressing my hurt and anger.
Thankyou again
WINNERS OF OUR RAFFLE DRAWN 14 FEBRUARY 2003
1st Prize Noelene Camp Ticket Black D20 - Weekend for two including breakfast - Kindly donated by Boswell's Bed & Breakfast Stradbroke Island Plus 4 Wheel Drive Discovery Tour - Kindly donated by Straddie Kingfisher Tours
2nd Prize Ray Vincent Ticket Black D71 - Dinner Voucher - Kindly donated by Hotel Carindale
3rd Prize S. James Ticket Green D19 - Slab of Crown Larger - Kindly donated by Carina Leagues Club Ltd
An added note from the Director
We receive many letters, phone calls, emails etc from people sending their stories. What saddens me is that in most of the stories people are blaming themselves for the tragedy of losing someone close to them by suicide.
Until we held a service in Rockhampton on the 12 March 2003 and I personally heard stories directly from families who attended and laid photographs, candles, angels, cards and flowers of, and for their loved ones that not only were they affected by one suicide in their family but people suffered five in a family, four in a family and several have suffered two in a family.
I asked each and every one of these people has anybody contacted you to investigate/study/ research into your family history. The answer was NO.
WHY?
In my quarterly Directors Report I try to convey to all that the death of your loved one by these tragic circumstances was completely and totally out of your control. Even if you as a parent/relative/friend/carer identified the need for help non is forthcoming. Even if the person in question identified the need for help non is forthcoming.
The present system does not cater for care and treatment of people suffering from of mental illness and who are suicidal. There is so much confusion of what mental illness is/means. So many times I have written when we hear the words cancer, we know it can be a fatal illness and we are sympathetic, understanding, caring and compassionate towards that person however when we hear the words, Anxiety Attacks, Post Traumatic Stress Disorder, Depression, Paranoia, Schizophrenia, this does not leave the same imprint in our minds but I can assure you these also have devastating affects and can KILL.
An added note from the Director Continued
..
We at present have thousands of our own men, women and children dying each year by these tragic circumstances. A blind eye and a deaf ear seem to be most acceptable.
We built peoples banks in a short period of time with branches opening all over Australia. Is money the root of all-evil? No it is not. Without money we can't live. Without money we can't help others, which brings me to this question "unless we unite and help each other the atrocities that are happening within our society at present will continue".
We must come to terms with our high suicide rate and together build these centres and look after our own men, women and children who are dying needlessly.
The White Wreath Association Inc has many credits of achievements since incorporation, however none of this would have been achieved if it weren't for a small group of dedicated volunteers all striving to make governments and the general public aware of the seriousness of suicide/mental illness in our lucky country.
We have made sure that at all our services we include, Vietnam Veterans, Salvation Army, Church all denominations, ATSIC, Police, Fire-fighter, Ambulance, Gay & Lesbians, Federal/State/Council Members, CEO's, Unions, Public etc because we know suicide affects all walks of life, all cultures and all ages regardless of whether we are rich, famous or poor.
Please don't ask yourself what I could have done, what I should have done, what I should have said, what I could have said, what I didn't do, What what what
If if if
. Why why why. You will only torment yourself with these words.
Famous words once spoken, "It is not what your country can do for you", "But what you can do for your country".
Help us to help others. We need you.
Fanita
My View:
There is a lot of fear and superstition surrounding suicide and mental illness. When my daughter was experiencing voices in her head and was psychotic I had ill informed people telling me that she was possessed by the devil and should be exorcised. There remains a lot of shame around the word "suicide" and a lot of this comes from literal interpretation of the bible. One of the Ten Commandments states "Thou shalt not kill" and because someone dies by their own hand people think that they are forever damned. Some believe that the Devil is the God of Death and Christ is the God of Life. My God is a God of love and compassion. My experience talking to parents and spouses of loved ones who have suicided is that the deceased person was much loved. They were mostly very sensitive people who became overwhelmed by their emotions. This does not mean that they were easy to live with in fact living with someone who experiences huge mood swings is very difficult. Most of us can relate to a life of Hell on Earth for their loved one. I had a feeling that my daughter had been released from tortured emotions after the suicide. She was finally at peace. From my own experience I "know" my daughter was not possessed of any devil nor was she evil. I did learn that evil was done to her at a very early age - namely sexual abuse - and she was too ashamed to tell anyone. When a person is psychologically overwhelmed and life becomes too hard they retreat into themselves. Most aware people know that this is the place where you find your real self. However the self-critic is relentless. These people find themselves vacillating between voices that tell them that they are "special" and voices that tell them "to kill themselves". Is it any wonder that when they seek help and they are told that they are having a breakdown and put on medication that they eventually see no solution to what is happening to them. The cause is never addressed.
My View Continued
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These people need to be understood. The psychiatric fraternity needs to start looking beyond the "chemical imbalance" theory and start looking at causes why people retreat into themselves. Yes we can prescribe SRI drugs and increase the levels of serotonin and biogenic amines to lift a person's mood but how does this address the cause. Mentally ill people need to feel respected and safe in examining their lives. The label of mental illness does not help. Being told that you are sick often supplies a reason to stop trying. A loving positive attitude is a must. My daughter was told that she was a lost cause. A holistic approach is required and this encompasses limited pharmacology, counselling, alternate therapies, meditation and addressing a person's spirituality and any other therapy that helps a person see that they are worthwhile. I have yet to find a psychiatrist who discusses a person's value or purpose in life and these things are always an issue. We all need to feel valued and have a purpose in life and when these traits are missing life seems too difficult.
The reason people suicide is because they have lost the will to live.
Pam Burke
Member White Wreath Association
Donna's Poem
When I see a young man around your age
I think how lucky he is
..
He has made it to that stage
To be older than 19..maybe 21 or 23
Why did he make it
to be free
What is the difference
one young man to the next
Why has he held onto life
Why has he been blessed
Where is your bride
and your family
Where is that great job
A better car than when you were 17
I can look at a young man now
And see the carefree side of you
You loved to play as they do too
Damien you go on in this life
By all we say and do
I hope you're as proud of me as I am of you.
Memorials
ROCKHAMPTON MEMORIAL SERVICE REPORT - 11/12/13 MARCH 2003
After several months of detailed planning by the Director, we (Fanita and Treasurer Wendy) left Brisbane shortly after midnight by car - generously donated by Zupps Mt Gravatt - for an eight and a quarter hours drive to Rockhampton for a White Wreath Memorial Service on the next day. Three other members (Ruth, Poppy and Vietnam Veteran Breaker) travelled up via the Tilt train from Brisbane about ten hours later, arriving around 5.30pm on the Tuesday evening.
Upon arrival in Rockhampton at 8.30am Tuesday, the advance party went direct to the Riverside Park to check out what facilities were available at the site and discuss positioning of tables, sign, guest seating etc before visiting the local newspaper office to check out lead up stories which we had been made aware of. Later that afternoon we collected the railway travellers from the station and after tea at a nearby eatery we retired to prepare for the early start the next day.
Following a 6am wake up call from the motel on Wednesday morning, we set out for Riverside Park on the banks of the Fitzroy River at the top end of town and there began setting up preparations for the service while waiting for the transport truck to arrive with the sixty bags of wreaths. Breaker had organised some extra local hands to help lay the wreaths. Over 3000 are laid each time we hold these services, and they commenced the massive job shortly before 8am.
The park was a peaceful setting in the early morning with quite a few council workers going about their tasks and a fair amount of early morning walkers and joggers passing by our site. We all went about the various tasks of laying the wreaths with photos and poems in the centrepiece display in front of the official dais, setting out of brochures, miniature wreaths, donation tins, promotional items for sale, rigging up the White Wreath banner in a prominent position. Of course the major job was getting the thousands of wreaths laid in lines as straight as possible.
Shortly after 11am all activities had been completed and then it was time for a snatched brunch while we waited and hoped for members of the public to turn up. Prior to arriving from Brisbane, Fanita had contacted all sections of the media to advise of the time of the service and to invite members of the public to come along for the formal ceremony commencing at 12.30pm.
Soon after noon people began arriving. Quite a few family members came carrying photos, flowers and accompanied by friends. Many health professionals were amongst the crowd as well as members of the Fire Brigade, police and a representative from the Salvation Army and a Baptist Church minister who was there as part of the formal
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presentation. Rockhampton has a large indigenous population and we were pleased to welcome them on the day to join in the service.
Prior to the conclusion of the speeches, everyone present who wished to lay flowers or a special memento of a loved one lost to suicide, was invited to come forward and join with the official party members in this special part of the day. To our very great joy, after the quiet start to the day, the highest number of members of the crowd from any of past regional services came forward to do so. While the service was being conducted, media people from Win Television filmed sections of the service, which we viewed on the local news that evening. All members who viewed it felt it was one of the best-reported and recorded services we have held to date. Many thanks go to the news crew on the day.
While speaking to several early arrivals for the service, we asked some Rockhampton residents if they would mind talking to the media representatives from television and newspapers. The media prefers local resident's views, and for the most part the people approached were quite willing and prepared to do so. Following the service we spoke to quite a number of Rockhampton residents who indicated their willingness to investigate the possibility of setting up a support group from amongst those present to give each other moral support and encouragement following their shared experiences of having recently lost much loved member to suicide.
As well as the important educational opportunity to make members of the general public aware of the high number of deaths by suicide in Australia each year and the need for action by government to try to reduce these figures, it is always heartening to committee members and helpers on the day to see the benefit gained by local residents who are given this opportunity to acknowledge their loved one's death in the company of others who are non-judgemental as they too have been through similar traumas themselves.
Around 2.30pm when most of the guests and members of the public had drifted away and some black clouds had begun to come towards our position, we began the mammoth pack up/tidy up job, which became a race against time before the downpour arrived. We lost this race and so finished up a very bedraggled, wet and tired lot of people but also a very satisfied group of people who knew from the many comments received from local residents that they appreciated our visit and were very glad we had come to Rockhampton with the memorial service.
We take this opportunity to thank Breaker for his organisational help and recruitment of local helpers (Midway, Bev and all) - they did a wonderful job in laying and picking up the wreaths - and for stepping in to do Master of Ceremonies duties when the planned announcer cancelled that morning due to ill health. We thank the radio, television and newspaper media representatives for their full and sensitive coverage of our Memorial Service and the local residents who came forward to tell their stories. We thank the Rockhampton City Council staff who helped in every way possible, the people of Rockhampton who showed their appreciation of our visit and finally the small band of Tilt train travellers who earned their rest and relaxation on the return trip to Brisbane the next day.
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From the above you can see that whilst it is a lot of hard work for helpers on the day. Many hours of the Director's time are required to organise each of the Memorial Days. The team of helpers from White Wreath Association Inc in turn receive a lot of satisfaction from knowing we have done a good job in bringing the need for government action before the community and in giving families and loved ones
affected by suicide, the opportunity to come together in public to support each other. If at some time in the future a Memorial Service
comes to your city we invite you to come along and help us to spread our message - we are certain you will gain more than you lose from such an experience and your assistance will be greatly appreciated.
Wendy Jensen
Member White Wreath Association